1-Star Reviews, Emergency Help for Authors

Just got burned with a 1-star review? Here's what to do.

One way to cope with receiving a 1-star review: go out and spread some 5-star love

Someone has ruined your morning’s libido-dampening cornflakes.  Once you’ve wiped the spit off yourself and changed your diaper, you may choose to create a rainbow out of today’s rainstorm.

Go forth, ye, and place ye mighty star of five upon ye greatest page-having beloveds.

We recommend finding someone else’s book (not your own, dummy!) and bestowing upon it a sappy, slobbery, 5-star review.  You might feel better.  You might not.  But it’ll give you something to chew on for a few minutes besides your own bile, contempt for humanity, and inner cheek flesh.

Never written a review before?  Try making it a mini-story with an attractive, witty, intelligent protagonist.

For example:

I was drawn to this particular book because (pick one)
– the cover matches my eyes
– it looks sorta like another book I liked
– it’s on sale
– Katherine Heigl is not in it

From the very first chapter, I was
– laughing through my tears
– wondering where this book has been all my life
– pleased by the appropriate level of swearing, which I felt was appropriate, when one considers the appropriateness of appropriate swearing in books appropriate for people reading this genre
– already wishing I could wipe my memory so I would have the pleasure of reading it again

One part in particular I enjoyed was
– the surprising mid-book reveal of the secret of life
– the color of the paper
– the author’s use of the phrase “bohemian manscaping”
– how it all flowed!

I would recommend this book for
– people who, like me, are witty and fun
– credit-card holders with an extra $.99 to spend to reach a points threshold
– tall gentlemen between the ages of 46 and 47
– people who like to feel bad, then good, then bad, then scared, then angry, then excited, then eager, then terrified, then relieved, and finally, satisfied

*

Share the love!  Share the joy!  Perhaps one day someone will do the same for you.

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Information

This entry was posted on March 17, 2012 by in book reviews.

Blog Stats

  • 1,220 hits
This site is for entertainment purposes only and the author assumes no liability for the content. This site does not provide psychological or legal advice.
%d bloggers like this: