1-Star Reviews, Emergency Help for Authors

Just got burned with a 1-star review? Here's what to do.

One way to cope with receiving a 1-star review: go out and spread some 5-star love

Someone has ruined your morning’s libido-dampening cornflakes.  Once you’ve wiped the spit off yourself and changed your diaper, you may choose to create a rainbow out of today’s rainstorm.

Go forth, ye, and place ye mighty star of five upon ye greatest page-having beloveds.

We recommend finding someone else’s book (not your own, dummy!) and bestowing upon it a sappy, slobbery, 5-star review.  You might feel better.  You might not.  But it’ll give you something to chew on for a few minutes besides your own bile, contempt for humanity, and inner cheek flesh.

Never written a review before?  Try making it a mini-story with an attractive, witty, intelligent protagonist.

For example:

I was drawn to this particular book because (pick one)
– the cover matches my eyes
– it looks sorta like another book I liked
– it’s on sale
– Katherine Heigl is not in it

From the very first chapter, I was
– laughing through my tears
– wondering where this book has been all my life
– pleased by the appropriate level of swearing, which I felt was appropriate, when one considers the appropriateness of appropriate swearing in books appropriate for people reading this genre
– already wishing I could wipe my memory so I would have the pleasure of reading it again

One part in particular I enjoyed was
– the surprising mid-book reveal of the secret of life
– the color of the paper
– the author’s use of the phrase “bohemian manscaping”
– how it all flowed!

I would recommend this book for
– people who, like me, are witty and fun
– credit-card holders with an extra $.99 to spend to reach a points threshold
– tall gentlemen between the ages of 46 and 47
– people who like to feel bad, then good, then bad, then scared, then angry, then excited, then eager, then terrified, then relieved, and finally, satisfied


Share the love!  Share the joy!  Perhaps one day someone will do the same for you.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s


This entry was posted on March 17, 2012 by in book reviews.

Blog Stats

  • 1,230 hits
This site is for entertainment purposes only and the author assumes no liability for the content. This site does not provide psychological or legal advice.
%d bloggers like this: